Haters are gonna hate. I don’t know who coined that phrase, but it’s a good summary of Proverbs 9:8 which says, “Don’t bother rebuking mockers; they will only hate you.” As always, it is best to read a verse with the verses around it to get the full context. Let’s check it out starting with verse 7, “Anyone who rebukes a mocker will get a smart retort. Anyone who rebukes the wicked will get hurt. So don’t bother rebuking mockers; they will only hate you. But the wise, when rebuked, will love you all the more. Teach the wise, and they will be wiser. Teach the righteous, and they will learn more.”
This is a lesson that we will do well to incorporate into our day to day lives whether at home or in the workplace. We all have people who get angry with our position on one topic or another. Or who feel threatened when someone disagrees with them. As these verses say, it is good to listen to our critics and learn what they have to say, but not everyone is open to seeing things differently. Many feel threatened by a differing opinion. And no matter how hard we try or what tactic we take, we aren’t going to change that.
When I started this series on the 7 Mistakes Christians Make at Work back in episode 38 called Settle Down and Get to Work, I quoted Solomon from Ecclesiastes 3. I won’t restate it all here, but I encourage you to either check out that episode or, better yet, open your bible and read it yourself. In verse 7 of that chapter, it says there is a “time to be quiet and a time to speak up. A time to love and a time to hate.” I believe that Solomon is not calling us to hate the haters. No, he is calling us to hate the evil that people do, not the people themselves. We are also called to hate it when people are mistreated or starving. And when God is being dishonored. And when we experience sin in our lives.
As believers, one of the most difficult things we are challenged to do is guard our tongues. We argue over unimportant details and have foolish discussions over things that don’t matter or are even harmful. We are challenged to be in the Word and to correctly explain the truth, which so often can be contrary to the “wisdom” of the world. If we build our lives on God’s Word and build his Word into our lives, we will know how best to act and speak. If, however, we ignore the Bible, we risk speaking untruths and even run the risk of neglecting our true purpose in life.
Further, we are called to speak God’s truth in a kind and gentle manner. When speaking to someone who doesn’t agree with us, speak patiently and courteously. Especially when explaining the truth. We should never promote quarrels or foolish arguments, but rather should listen to the questions people have and treat the individual respectfully instead of entering into a foolish debate. The person listening is much more likely to really hear what you have to say and may even see the truth in what you are saying.
If you are uncertain about a topic and feel inadequate to discuss it, or if you venture into a conversation where you are unsure of the proper response, it is better to say so and walk away from that discussion. It would be better to look up the answer in scripture or seek someone knowledgeable and then get back to the person you were speaking with later. It’s far better to admit you don’t know something than it is to say something that is incorrect. You’ll feel more confident and the other person will respect you for admitting you don’t know.
Although what we say is vitally important, many times what we don’t say is every bit as important. We must not only be careful to choose our words carefully and to speak them at the proper time, but we are also challenged to NOT say what should not be said. In James chapter 3 starting in verse 2, the Bible says, “We all make many mistakes, but those who control their tongues can also control themselves in every other way. We can make a large horse turn around and go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth. And a tiny rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot wants it to go, even though the winds are strong. So also, the tongue is a small thing, but what enormous damage it can do. A tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is full of wickedness that can ruin your whole life. It can turn the entire course of your life into a blazing flame of destruction, for it is set on fire by hell itself.”
When we gossip, put others down, brag, manipulate others, share false teachings, exaggerate, complain, flatter someone, or lie; we are unleashing our untamed tongue. Anytime you go to speak in a way that may appear to be one of these manners, ask yourself, is what I am about to say true? Do I really need to say it? And if it needs to be said, is there a kinder way or setting in which to say it?
Remember, any words spoken cannot be taken back and, even if you apologize for saying them, it can take years for the scars to heal. Although it is impossible to always control our tongue, we can ask the Holy Spirit to help us to learn self-control. He will give us the strength to keep from reacting in an unkind or hateful manner. As hard as it is to realize, we are in control of what we do and say and we get to chose to respond in any situation in a calm and gentle manner or an angry and hateful manner. No one else has that power over us. We get to choose…are we going to speak the truth or are we going to be a hater? Once we realize that we are in control of how we respond, our whole lives can change for the better.
My concern with where we are with social media and our constant written communication is that as damaging as a spoken word can be, a written word can be so much worse. Someone may vaguely remember words spoken and be able to forget the tone or the harshness over time, but if the words are written they can be returned to time and time again to rekindle that flame. Think about a negative response to a post you’ve seen on Facebook recently. Have you noticed how one negative comment blows up into a whole barrage of negative comments, one building on the next? Sadly, the initial comment may have been taken out of context, but there is no way to undo the damage once that negative thread has started. It makes me sad to think of how many personal relationships are broken due to a carelessly worded or placed a comment on a public or private format.
We might think that much of this is as a result of our times where people have too much time on their hands, but we’d be wrong to assume that. It’s been a challenge for people as far back as biblical times. Listen to this verse, “Yet we hear that some of you are living idle lives, refusing to work and wasting time meddling in other people’s business. In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, we appeal to such people – no command them: Settle down and get to work. Earn your own living, And I say to the rest of you, dear brothers and sisters, never get tired of doing good. (2 Thessalonians 3:11-13)
If that sounds familiar, it may be because I read those verses in episode 38 too, but it bears repeating. The footnote in my New Living Translation goes on to say that an idle person who doesn’t work ends up filling his or her time with less than helpful activities, like gossip. Rumors and hearsay are tantalizing, exciting to hear, and make us feel like insiders. But they tear people down. If you often find your nose in other people’s business, you may be underemployed. Look for a task to do for Christ or for your family, and get to work.
As I mentioned before, this is one of the hardest areas for all of us to follow. We all fall into the trap of talking about things that are none of our business. But don’t give up trying to do better and be better. Pray for the strength to stop. Literally bite your tongue if you have to keep from saying something that shouldn’t be said.
And the next time you are in a conversation where either you or the other person starts gossiping, sharing false teachings or putting someone down, stop them (or yourself) and change the subject. If you find yourself bragging, exaggerating, or complaining about something, pause, even if it is mid-sentence, and redirect the conversation. The same applies if you catch yourself manipulating others, flattering someone, or even lying about something. If you are paying attention, you will be able to see when a discussion is headed down one of these negative paths and you can redirect the conversion before anyone says anything hurtful or damaging. We have to work at it, but we can make sure that we do not become haters.
We all need help in this regard, so get into the habit of encouraging each other and building each other up. A word of encouragement offered at the right moment can make the difference between someone feeling really great about themselves or feeling really terrible about themselves. It can also be the difference between building up a relationship or tearing one down. Chose your words carefully and use words of encouragement at every opportunity,
This lesson may very well be the most difficult of all those discussed in my 7 Mistakes Christians Make at Work series. I pray that you can take it to heart and incorporate some of these ideas into your conversations in the workplace.
This episode concludes the series on the 7 Mistakes Christians Make at Work. I hope you found all of the episodes worth your time. It is important to remember that although these lessons can be used in any aspect of our lives, it is vitally important to live out our Fatih at Work as it is at home because that may be the only opportunity some people will be able to see Christ at work in their lives.
If you haven’t already, I hope you will go back and listen to episodes 38 through 44 where I talk about surrendering to the Holy Spirit, serving others, living in integrity, trusting God, having faith, and seeking God’s truth. Incorporating these practices into your life can completely shift the way you and your co-workers engage in the time you spend together.
You can also find all the episodes in both the blog and the podcast formats at my website at vonajohnson.com. They begin at the post titled, Settle Down and Get to Work, If you liked what you heard here today, I would appreciate it if you would leave a rating and a comment on iTunes. While you are there, subscribe to Longing for More (Formerly Reviving Your Soul) so you can receive reminders when the show is posted and you won’t miss an episode.
I really appreciate the time you spend here with me. Your time is valuable and it means a lot to me that you fit the show into the crevices of your life. Hopefully, they are causing you to think about your life and what changes might be necessary to make it be a really amazing life.
If you are haunted by the knowing that you were created for more, that’s not an illusion. You were. I’d love to help you figure out what more means for you if you struggle to know what it is yourself. You can find me at vonajohnson.com and we can have a quick conversation that will give clarity on what it means for you.
Thanks again for listening. Have a blessed week, and be sure to use encouraging words when you speak to both yourself and to others.
