If you’re like me, you find it hard to say no when someone asks for help.  So you bump that appointment with yourself to go for a long walk and answer the plea for help instead. Or you are so honored when someone asks you to join a service club or serve on a board that you wouldn’t dare say you’re too busy.  I mean, you really like the people and it is a great cause, right? 

So here you are like I was years ago, racing through life, chasing after kids, building a great career, and trying to eek a few minutes in each week to do something just for you. And feeling like something is missing.  Like there must be more to life.  So it’s this constant balancing game the things you know you should do against doing the things you want to do. And in the end, you are left thinking, “how can a life so full feel so empty?”    

What if it didn’t have to be that way?  What if you could completely turn the way you are looking at life and the responsibilities around and do it differently?  

I know what you’re thinking.  There is no way I can stop this roller coaster.  I’ve made commitments and I have obligations.  Besides, being in that bible study, service club, or on that board will be a great experience.  

But, when we think like that, we are forgetting that we were made for peace.  Truly, our souls long for peace. And if you really want peace and contentment, it’s time to stop filling our soul with things of little meaning and begin to fill them with the things that bring us true joy.  If you are really ready to simplify your life and begin to live life on your terms, there is no better time than right now to start.  

But the thing is, you actually have to do something.  You can’t just say you’re going to change.  You have to take action.  And sometimes the action you have to take will seem completely contrary to what your mind is programmed to do.

You see, we love to be needed.  We love to have someone tell us we are exactly the person that can fill that space for their job, board, committee, whatever.  We are programmed to take great satisfaction in being able to put that feather in our cap and show the world how amazing we are without having to say a word.

Do you want to know how I know?  Because I’m the master at it.  I’ve been on so many boards, led so many bible studies, and said yes to virtually every opportunity that has presented itself to me in the last 30 years.  My thought process was that God wouldn’t create that opportunity if he didn’t want me to take it, would he?  

But what I wasn’t considering was that it may not have been God at all who was creating those opportunities. In fact, I’m beginning to realize that some of those opportunities are actually obstacles disguised as opportunities.    

Let me explain.    

Just like when David and his men were in Keilah in 1 Samuel 23:7 and Saul was sure that God had handed David over to him by trapping him in that gated and walled city, we can want something so badly that we will read any indication that he is supporting our plans.  Like Saul, we are challenged to know God well enough to realize that He would not give us an opportunity to do something against His will.  In other words, He isn’t going to tempt us to do something that isn’t consistent with his plan for our life.  

A good example was an invitation I received last week.  I was provided an opportunity that was so flattering, I was pretty sure there was no way I could say no.  An offer to sit on a board came from someone I’ve known my entire professional career and hold in the highest regard.  The organization is a very respectable organization and they do great things for people who really need support. I honestly believe that many of the assets I would bring to the table could be valuable for this team. In its favor was the fact that it wouldn’t take that much of an investment of time, in fact, it should have only taken about a dozen days over the course of a year.   

Fortunately, I used good judgment and asked for some time to think about it. So I prayed.  I read scripture. And I tried to reason how it would give me exposure and would let me use skills from my professional career that are getting rusty.  I even tried to rationalize that having that credential on my resume would make me that much more credible.  

But you see, the problem is, I don’t need another feather in my cap.  I don’t need anything else to make me a credible coach for my professional clients.  And as I read my devotions, thought the situation through, and allowed space in my day to listen to what God had to say, it occurred to me it wasn’t my best yes.  Through my various scriptures and devotions, l learned that it was just another opportunity to tell God that I trust Him and the path that I am on.  I don’t need accolades or affirmations from anyone but Him and the people He has called me to serve. Even though it was an awesome cause, it wasn’t MY cause and it wasn’t meant to be a part of my path.

So I said, “Thank you, but no thank you.” And once I realized that was the right answer for both my professional and my personal life, it felt so good.  That no allows me to say a much bigger yes to the things I really want in life.  To coach, to work on this podcast, and hopefully to finally plan that retreat for professional women that I’ve been dreaming of hosting. 

To have said yes would have added another degree of stress and overwhelm to my already taxing schedule.  Oh sure, I could have found a way to commit those 2 or 3 days four times a year, but instead of impacting my business, it more likely would have been at the cost of a massage, or a lunch date with a girlfriend or maybe even a getaway to spend time with my grandkids.  And that investment was simply too much to pay. It’s not that the offer was bad in any way.  It simply wasn’t my best yes.  

As I was preparing for this episode, one of my daily devotions pointed out the verse from Matthew 11: 28-30. In it, Jesus says, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens; and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke fits perfectly, and the burden I give you is light.”

This entry in my Daily Bread Devotional Collection explains that if we are exhausted, lack energy, and are finding that being a Christian is too much, we are practicing religion instead of enjoying a relationship with Jesus.  We should be energized by our work, not depleted.  I love it how the author of this entry, David Mccasland, puts it.  He says, “When I think that serving God is all up to me, I’ve begun working for Him instead of walking with Him. There is a vital difference. If I’m not walking with Christ, my spirit becomes dry and brittle. People are annoyances, not fellow humans created in God’s image. Nothing seems right.” He goes on to say, “When I sense that I’m practicing religion instead of enjoying a relationship with Jesus, it’s time to lay the burden down and walk with Him in His….grace.” 

So how about you?  What are you saying yes to that maybe should be a no? What have you committed to that drags you down and makes you feel trapped? If it doesn’t bring you joy, I’d advise you to consider finding the next exit door so you can create space for the other important yes’ or even the next big yes in your life.  I realize that not everything we find ourselves in seems to have an exit door, but that is the beauty of having the right to choose. 

Instead of getting out of the commitment, it may be a matter of changing your attitude about that commitment.  What if you could CHOOSE to love that job, person, or task you’ve always dreaded?  What if your More could be as simple as looking at life from a different perspective?  It truly can be life-transforming when we shift the way we look at things and it is one of my greatest joys to help my clients make that shift.  

If you have something that feels heavy in your life and you are struggling with how to deal with it or how to decide if it is a good fit for your life, I’d love to help.  Schedule a visit with me right now so we can begin that shift in your life.  So you, too, can learn to make a no your best yes.  Then you can begin to live your More!

If something inside of you was stirred by this message, don’t stuff it back inside and pretend it didn’t happen.  Instead, get really curious about what that means for you.  Ask yourself what your best yes is and if you aren’t living it, take action on changing that today.  Life is too short to live in stress and overwhelm.  

Thank you for stopping by and reading my blog post today.  If you are here but feel this message isn’t for you, maybe it is for someone else in your life.  If so, please share it with them. 

Go, be empowered to say no when it isn’t your best yes and live your More!

Click here to schedule a time to visit right now.  You’ll be glad you did.